Lost?

Have you ever know how was it like being inflicted by depression? Try imagining a state that u are almost drunk and there is just insufficient strength to keep yourself sober. That is how being depress is all about- little trigger, once the fine line being broke all hell would let loose. When u lose it, things nor events seems important to you anymore, seeing the time itself flows will never be any importance to you simply because you do not care anymore. Might u feel tired at many a time. Alas, you simply have to have enough strength to hold on that fine strand of sanity line.

Laughing at others ended up laughing at ownself

When i boarded the bus back to my hometown, I started recalling a piece of my memory which i find rather amusing at that time- it about my cousin working in Hong Kong meeting his dad in a long time. I can't find myself to understand the picture of their face- with laughter, exhilaration as if something valuable that was lost for a long time was finally found. As i kept thinking along the way back, i was thinking, isn't it the same i was expecting to be able to once again see my family, the excitement and joy was overwhelming it was about to burst. I found it was a folly that i would laugh at my cousins and his dad reaction back then and doing it the same now. It is because i had finally taste the bitterness of apart even for a little bit that i am able to understand what seems to be comical back then to have such depth of a event. Hence, I finally understand not to assume something to be trivial just because you do not understand what is behind the riddle and I was laughing myself for being so ignorant back then.

The things I never knew i had

I have never knew how great it is to have company around me nor have i ever appreciate the time i have with my family or be it just lazily lying on my bed. Starting out living alone it hard. With no friends, no company, no one that will always be there for you make you feel like u are walking in the abyss of darkness. Here I am right now staring at my empty room, roughly furnish, with pillow that felt so allien, window views that are like a stranger. However, all i had was my compaq and internet to keep the distance that seems so vast felt as if still within my grasp and a little keepsake taken from home that i cling dearly more precious diamonds. I never knew it was this hard. Have i known i would miss out so much in my life. I would haf used my time differently, be more compassionate with the meagre amount of life i had left back to so that i would love and felt love more.

Hearing a wonderful piece is not enough
One must be able to play it
Being able to play it once is not enough
One must be able to master it
Mastering a piece perfectly is not enough
One must be able to perform it
Performing it to others is not enough
One must be able convey it
Conveying it by touching others is not enough
One must be able to teach it
Teaching it to others is not enough
Others must be able to hear it
Hearing a wonderful piece is not enough
One must be able to play it

Says who that we have to obey our parents?
Even though they are wrong sometimes?
Says who that we have to please our elders?
Is it just because talking back is rude?
Says who that we have to listen to our teacher?
Is it just because that they hold the tittle?
Says who that we have to listen to others?
Even though others are just ignorant?
Says who that we must follow our traditions?
Is it because it was pass down by generations?
Says who that we must be loyal?
Even though it isn't worth being loyal to?
Says who that we always be honest?
Even though there is a knife waiting at our back?
Says who that we have to stick our gut?
Is it because that we will regret later?
Says who that we must read all this?
Is it because what we have been doing are wrong?

Love symphony envelope my anima
Can it be another piece from the etude
or might it be before the sonata
It might be rallentando a diminuendo at tempo
but as the bars progress
it may be crescendo a accenlerando
It can be played dolce
The piece written may also be mesto
Yet i would like to listen to it again
and hope it will never be the end
But i know it will soon be the end
As the conductor put down the baton

I hate time for destroying the earth
I hate the earth for destroying my continent
I hate my continent for destroying my country
I hate my country for destroying my state
I hate my state for destroying my neighbour
I especially hate my neighbour for destroying my family
I extremely hate my family for destroying me
Time is what I hate that was given to me for too long